Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
