She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
