I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
