that's an acceptable place to lick
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
