He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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