I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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