yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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