Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
