So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My penis needs a shock collar
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
