i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
