I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
