she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
