my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
