why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
