At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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