a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
