I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
And then he peed in my hair
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
