Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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