lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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