I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
