He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
