so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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