goodnight i made you a song goodbye
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
