i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
