oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
