If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
