Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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