I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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