You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
