Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Never underestimate the power of titties
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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