Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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