Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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