i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
