You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
