Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
