anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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