His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
