at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
