i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
