I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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