I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Boobs are out for the taking
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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