i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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