if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
