Your dad touched me again.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
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