High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
