You're my little dorito
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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