New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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