Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
