I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
