Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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